January 10, 2015

Radical Christians and Their Rushed Marriages

I have always understood that love was a choice. Early on in my adult years it clicked. Love is not some mystical feeling that can't be avoided. Love is a choice. You choose to love someone and you choose to stick by them. It is all a choice. When a relationship stops working it is usually because someone made the CHOICE to be done. They determined it was not worth it to continue and CHOSE to walk away. This can be seen in God's relationship with us. Even though we continue to disobey him and go against His word, He chose to give His only son and He chose to continue to love us unconditionally.

When I see a young christian couple engaged to be married after dating one month, I am like "Girl, What? Why?" The answer is usually along the lines of "the bible commands that we marry quickly, instead of living in sin." And cool. I can dig it. I agree. However, are you and your mate not able to work together to preserve your love pocket and Chick-O-Stick for at least  a year? Girl, how are you guys going to handle life together? I am all for #TeamNoBedBeforeWed. I believe wholeheartedly that this is what God commands for our well-being. And I need a man who is on board with this. Spending the rest of your life with someone who is helping you to make every decision is a big deal. If we can't stay focused enough to abstain together for a period of time longer than a month, then we ain't going to make this thing called life together. I'm not saying don't get  married when you are ready. I am saying take time to get to know the person. Court each other. Learn what makes the person tick. How can you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone and you haven't seen how pissed they can get? Because if the first time I see you pissed is after we get married, you may scare me off, bro. On the flip side of that though, if I see a whole range of emotions from you within just a few months of dating, you may be crazy.  You gotta decide which sin is worse? Marrying and divorcing quickly or premarital sex? I guess that is up to the person. Let's not turn marriage into something you do to solve a problem. Let's use it for what it is intended. The sacred joining of a man and woman together for a lifetime. That means when you get tired, you press on. When you can't stand the person, you press on. When you don't want to love the person anymore, you press on. That takes a lot of commitment to do. I'm not sure if that type of commitment can be solidified after just a month or so of dating in today's world.

Let me know what you guys think. Do you think a month of dating is enough to know if you should marry?

January 6, 2015

Can We Stop This "Extroverts Are King" BullSh*t Please?

Let's stop this introverts are inferior bullsh*t in 2015 Ok? Kthnxbye. I had been working at an organization for almost a year. I nailed the interview and even though I wasn't quite sure what the position entailed when I got hired I knew I would be doing events. Fast forward to first day on the job. My supervisor was a completely high strung extrovert who micromanaged me. In the beginning we struggled. I struggled to find ways to tell her to leave me the f*ck alone so I can get sh*t done and she struggled with allowing me to do the aforementioned. In the end, we both found our balance. She would let me do everything and I would tell her that I had done everything and she would not do anything. Perfect arrangement because I do a great job of getting sh*t done.

During the summer we had a big project to execute. We had to plan a major event for the county. I am boss at events. Like, I am THAT CHICK when it comes to event logistics. Naturally, I took the lead. I contacted all the outside vendors, I created the marketing material and executed the marketing plan, I finalized the details. I. Did. Everything. I will not sit here and state she did nothing but if I had to put a percentage on it, she did 15% of the work out of 100%. Guess who did the 85%? Anyways, when the event was over and it was a huge success. Who got the credit? She did. Why? Because she is loud as f*ck but yet not really saying anything.

I am no longer working with her and a new opportunity came up where she has close ties with the people who will be doing the hiring. I had been asking her if she thought I should apply. Her response "If you want to." That rubbed me the wrong way. Because girl, you know what you have told them in regards to my work. You know if you told them that I was exceptional and I would be good in this role or if you told them you didn't feel like I had what it takes. YOU KNOW THIS SH*T. Let's not play this game. I am not new to this sh*t. If it was something you felt I would be perfect for you would continue to encourage me to apply because you would know my chances of getting it would be very great. Further int the conversation she goes "but they are looking for someone who is really outgoing!" Um, what the f*ck does that mean? Like please explain to me. Explain to me how my lack of outgoing-ness made past events unsuccessful. Explain to me how my lack of outgoing-ness affected me securing the necessary vendors. Explain to me how my lack of outgoing-ness affected my ability to create the BOMB ASS marketing material and executing the marketing plan. Because in this case the RESERVED introvert did all of that sh*t. I really wanted to tell her about herself. I wanted to let her know that she often has an inability to make a decision. Also, she lacks the ability to analyze situations efficiently, especially when it deals with numbers. I also wanted to tell her that her leadership abilities were lacking. But I didn't. I realized that some ignorance can't be cured. By letting her know this now, I would be messing up my potential next move. Like my friend says, "Life is Chess, Not Checkers."

So again, can we stop this "extroverts are king" sh*t in 2015? I'm asking. For all the introverts out there who are f*ckin BOSS and get sh*t done, all without being all up in people's face.

April 14, 2014

It's Mid-April, Do You Know Where Your Goals Are?

When I made my goals at the beginning of the year, I was very pumped and knew I would rock this year out. By February, I was like "man, the year is flying by but I am still about to take this year by storm". It is now April, and I am looking around like a fool. I am absolutely not where I need to be in terms of working on my year goals. It is so darn easy to get distracted and off focus. It is even easier to lose sight of the bigger picture. A revelation hit me the other day. I am so hard on myself for not meeting these goals and focusing on the small stuff that I don't accomplish what I want to accomplish AND I am not taking time to enjoy life. Every weekend I make these plans that are centered towards my goals and I don't make time for anything else. I am definitely not growing that way, and I am not doing myself or anyone else a favor when I'm in my feelings from being over stimulated. Lesson: even if I am spending a day doing nothing, that is OK--ONCE IN A WHILE. These days are needed every once in a while and are necessary to keep me refreshed and pumped but then it is back to work. This week I am examining my goals, adjusting my strategy and moving forward. I encourage everyone to do the same because there are many different routes to accomplishing a goal and that route may change during the process. Goals are like children; they need to be nourished with positivity, brought up with consistency and be checked on all the time.

Do you know where you goals are?

February 16, 2014

After the First Date: Run a Credit Check

Love is a helluva drug.

It really is. The feeling a person gets when they are in love is parallel to some FDA approved, stress relieving drugs. That goes to say that some of the same side effects may occur; insomnia, extreme thirst, delirium and death.

Just kidding.

Not really. I mean these things often occur as a result of love or lack thereof. Now, add to that list bad credit? This is now a legit problem.

How to avoid said problem? Simple, request a credit check from your mate once you feel he may be serious dating material. The explanation for this is simple: the deeper in you are, the more forgiving you are. If you discuss finances and credit with someone in the very beginning when you have little to nothing to lose, it is to your betterment. Do you want to find out Earl has terrible credit when it is time to buy your first house together or when it's time to buy your first dinner together? I would say the latter.

Solution? Be up front. Early on in the relationship ask him what his financial goals are. Ask him what his biggest purchases have been. Find out what his biggest form of debt is. Ask him how much debt he is in. Seriously. And if he is so proud that he can't tell you then you don't need him. If he gets all nervous and he thinks that you are a gold digger, he is probably broke. Men who are in control of their finances don't fret so easily. The truth is if you are trying to build something with someone these types of questions won't bother you.

Should you really ask him after the first date? Maybe. Use your judgement. Bring it up once you've determined he is someone you can see yourself with or else you may wait until you are too far in to find out.

I met a guy who was in his early 20's and was in the process of filing bankruptcy. I am not kidding. He told me this up front because he felt that it was a badge of honor to even have had enough asset to qualify for bankruptcy. To his credit, he is somewhat right. However, bro you fudged up that bad that you had to file bankruptcy? I don't want those problems.

I met a guy who had over 60k in student loans. He had a master's degree and was making 35K a year. There is nothing wrong with that, however, he said if he only made 35k for the rest of his life, he would be okay with that. Sir, I would not. Check please! His financial  mindset did not match mines at all and for that I have to go.

 I dodged several silver bullets by knowing what I needed to know very early on and believe if these questions were asked upfront it would save a lot of divorces later on.

When do you think it is "appropriate" to bring up money when dating someone?

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